Monday, July 5, 2010

Broken and Better For It

This week I went up to North Texas to visit family. I did not sleep very much. Every time I would close my eyes I felt like there was a weight that would come and press itself down on my chest. Then thoughts would fill my mind about all that is going on right now in my life and my families life. I just felt like I could not hold anymore. I finally broke a couple of days ago. I had to lay down. I had not slept in so long. I thought I would take a short nap while two year old slept. I did not get a nap. Instead, I got a flood of tears and emotions and feelings that I had been holding inside for a long time came rushing out faster than I could hold them in. I called my friend. I just needed someone to hear what a "great" person I was. She was faithful. Proverbs 27:6 says" The wounds of a friend are faithful". I heard her speak the truth to me and with the truth comes revelation. It just confirmed all of the things I had already been thinking.
SO ...finally broken. Yea!!!!!!!! It felt so good to just break and give it all to God. I had been trapped by my feelings and desires. That rainbow that I talked about in my last post. I was trapped by my own rainbow! Funny? A little. But still trapped. Not trapped anymore. I am now aware. Aware that what may seem like a rainbow can bind you and hurt the people that love you most. Thank you friend for the truth and thank you God for the precious hand that pressed on my chest every night so that I could not ignore the glaring trap that I was in. Thank You Jesus for the healing balm that you placed in my heart after it was broken.
You know the funny thing is. I was so attached to that rainbow I was talking about that I could not see all the dreams that I have been praying so long for are coming true. Maybe not how I saw them panning out but God knows how they are supposed to be. Not me. Crazy control freak! Got to work on that. Maybe next time...

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