Has it really been over a month since I last posted. So much has happened in one month. My children started school again. I started teaching music again. I found out I was healthy and paid quite a lot to find that out. But my husband just looks at me and touches my face and says. Isn't it wonderful that you are o.k. ? He loves me. I like that.
I lead worship for a women's retreat and found some of my confidence for doing that kind of thing return to me. Not so much confidence in myself, but in God being able to use me like that again. Again, my husband supported me through the whole thing. Love him.
I have learned that I cannot possibly do everything. From grave mistakes that I made last year. Loading my boat so full of stuff I had to do that I did not even have time to see the beauty right in front of me. I don't do well in that environment. I know this aboout myself now and, while I realize that being stretched is sometimes a growing experience, when it is not God stretching you but you stretching you because you simply took too much on, it just hurts you and those around you. Kind of freeing to embrace that.
I have learned that I have still not dealt with my anger issues that I had when I was younger. I just stuufed them. Anybody ever do this? They just come bubbling to the surface and shock takes you over. Not fun. When I got prayed for about this issue, this sweet lady told me that it was bubbling to the surface because God wanted me to deal with it and get it out of my life. Probably true. Unless you see something you cannot face it. I kind of like prettier things bubbling up out of me though. Just because I like pretty things. Things that sparkle. Things that shine. One more thing to work on but I know His grace is sufficient for that.
I have learned that I love to hear my two year olds feet thunder across the wood floor in my house because of the life that she holds in that tiny little body. She just makes me want to live and experience life every day. She is never still except when she sleeps. I love this about her even when I am exhausted from it. Ha!
You should try this. Write down the things you have learned in the last month. It will amaze you. Many people in the Word called Jesus Teacher. Why should we think it stopped when He ascended into heaven. He has so many things that He wants to show us about Him, His creation and about ourselves. Why? Because He wants to know you and , without a doubt, wants you to know Him. Try it.
Thank you for having put my name into your prayer the other night. Even though i don't know if a God exists, even if i'm not religious, even if i'm supposed to be a 'woman of science'...i have faith. Faith is a big part of who i am, and maybe your God is my Faith, and in that respect we are exactly the same. Faith is what i draw from when i'm down and can't see the way up, Faith is what shines inside of me every time i smile, and every time someone i love smiles. I don't call it God, but i think what we mean is more or less the same. So thank you for sharing your Faith with me, it helped me to know that you did. I read back your posts till this one and i can tell that despite the abyss that separates us, you are older than me, you have a husband and children, a job...you are an adult already, i'm only on my way to be one, well i can tell that we have something in common: you choose to be grateful for what was given to you instead of pining over the things you have not. And so do I. I know how difficult it is at times, that's why i like writing about how grateful i am...so when i feel i'm not i read back and i remember. I look for that place inside of me where Faith is. Thank you again for sharing yours with me, and when you are down remember to always look for your Faith, for your Teacher.
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